wow, looking back,
i can't even believe it.
some of the things you said.
and thought.




Work was so much better today than on wednesday.
Wednesday I just felt like a failure.
I know, I know like working at blockbuster could ever be much of an acheivment.
But i was on the brink of a major breakdown that night.
I wanted to quit, i felt stupid, and i felt really distant from reality.
I thought i was doing horrible with everything i though everyone was juding me and i almost cried about ten times at remarks some customers made. they weren't that rude,
but it's like are you really-seriously?-going to take out YOUR bad day on someone that works at fucking blockbuster? Really? Not like i was in the mood to be nice to them, but of course i have to be.
However, after that disasterous day, i had work today. I was dreading it soooooo much.
At my surprise, I did a great job. My boss and I talked a little about how to "sell" to people, because i really needed the help. It's really uncomfotable asking people to buy stuff that you probably wouldn't buy yourself. But she helped me understand how to look at it differently-haha i sound so ridiculous, but i guess i just take my job seriously. Even if it is at blockbuster!
I was talking with the customers more like they were someone i'd already met, rather than someone i need to sell stuff too. I didn't care if i messed up my sales pitches to them, like i'm really gonna see them ever again-and if i do, for what five seconds the next time they rent Marley and Me or fucking Bedtime Stories?!
I just had a new attitude overall. We got some spiffy new shirts, and nametags, and i was just so much more positive today and bright. Mmmmmm it felt good to be that bubbly. Ha. I had an extra kick in my step and a genuine smile on my face and i was proud of myself.
And surprise, surprise! I sold a lot of shit today.
See?
Being causal with customers works. Hahaha this sounds so stupid, but i had so much more fun working today knowing that customers walked away with service that was the best i could make it.
I really, really did have FUN at work today. Wow.
i wrote sooooo much about my job.
at blockbuster.
and how i'm proud.
god! what's happened to my life?!
haha.
:]


oh! and just so everyone knows,
star trek was so good.
another thing i am amazed i'm saying!
but honestly, it was great from start to finish.
and I had low expectations-it definately went above and beyond what i thought!

When the world begins eating itself, then will you see? That the message isn't in the cracks on the surface but in the depths of the underground world we choose to ignore. The underlining purpose of life has been burried for centuries. It's horrifying knowing that others aren't on the same level as yourself. Some are higher, some are lower but regardless no one knows what's happening in another person's head. How can you know that someone understands the meaning of life to its fullest if you are not inside their mind?
I scratch to find it burrowed beneath the shit life likes to cover all good things with. Imagine this world fresh and alive. It's dying because there is no one brave enough to jump off the cliff and dive into the world unknown. Some have tried, some have thought themselves strong and brave enough to conquer the wildness unleashed below. Unfortunately, these beings were unsuccessful in uncovering the mystery. They made it so far as to go toe-to-tip of the cliff. None ever falling, though. Everyone felt in the pit of their stomaches and ache like they'd never known before. They were suffocating and gasping for air. They would mumble to themselves just as they were about to bounce out of their shaking boots but intsead of leaping they would push themselves backward-toppling to the ground. Nobody quite cared that they had been failures. I suppose living in this ignorant bliss is good enough for most to settle for. I however, will not. I am running into the black abyss, and I will not return to tell you cowards what heaven you're missing.

today's been a good day.
i have this freshness in me.
I feel alive, and I haven't really lately until now.
Hopefully the day only gets better,
because i am expecting it to be horrible.
I am always afraid that good days are gonna runaway from me.

I will be out of this class in about twenty minutes. then i have intro to theatre, which i am going to make the best of!
Farewell for now.
i need to write in here more!
ahhhh.
it always feels wonderful to write in here, even if it's short, pointless entries.

it's going down the drain,
all the hard work.
watch it spiral down the chain,
watch it burn.
it's spinning toward the bottom,
falling deeper.
now you've got em where you want 'em,
they were so eager.
it's spilling into a paper cup,
waiting to be poured.
but you blew it, yeah you really fucked up,
leaving what you loved, and who you loved, to be ignored.
it's going down the drain,
it's slipping from your hands.
all that you could gain,
all that you had planned.
it's pushing too much, too fast
if you would've just listened
it wouldn't be your future fading,
it'd of been your past.

life is...
peculiar.

"life is funny, but not ha-ha funny.
Peculiar, I guess?
You think I got it all going my way,
But why am I such a fucking mess?"

Right now I am stuck on tower of terror.hahahahaha.amazing,I know.
Oh boy this is interesting!

woooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

okay, so i am excited about something.
i don't want to jinx it though...
eek!!!
:p




hannah, i will tell you about it whenever we hang out next :]

.................
!!!!
.................
i thought...i really thought...
that...

i wanna cry;
i'm gonna cry.
i miss you, and wish things didn't happen this way.

this neighborhood has no soul
this neighborhood is so cold...
I miss my old neighborhood
it held all the i should and could's
this place is dangerous
it's heartlessness is contagious
this neighborhood is poison
this neighborhood is just a sin
i miss where i came from
i miss the memories and fun
the streets were filled with
this neighborhood is a tight fist
i want the comfort back
but this neighborhood won't have that
this neighborhood is a bore
this neighborhood is an open sore
I want to get gone
To the old neighborhood i still call home

i went to a funeral today.



:/

you know what, i do have something to say.


life SUCKS.
PEOPLE suck.
EVERTYHING sucks.

there. that's what i meant to say in my last entry.

[i give up.]

i feel like i should post something,
but i don't really know what to say.

life balances out,
i suppose.

QUESTION:

when reading a story, and the main character is a female, would you prefer her to have short, short hair? or long, long hair?
Random, yes, but please, answer.

Life's moving along.
highs and lows.
You know
The way it goes.

Uh-Oh!

Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!Run!
That is what they're saying
Hide!Hide!Hide!Hide!Hide!Hide!Hide!Hide!
You've got to start pretending
Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!Go!
They shout and hollar my way
Hush!Hush!Hush!Hush!Hush!Hush!Hush!Hush!
No one wants to hear what you've to say
Leave!Leave!Leave!Leave!Leave!Leave!Leave!
Coward out, don't be brave
Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!
What's a thousand lives, when you've yours to save?
Stop!Stop!Stop!Stop!Stop!Stop!Stop!Stop!
They scream when we're all convinced
Wait!Wait!Wait!Wait!Wait!Wait!Wait!Wait!
They say when they catch a glimpse
No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!
But everyone keeps running
Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?
Turns out they were the joke-but it isn't funny.

THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!